Making it appear that you have everything put together, is way easier than admitting you still have things to work on. Over the past year my goal was to learn more about myself. In doing so I thought that I would become more confident, however looking into myself was much more difficult than I anticipated.
Throughout 2015, I decided to write. Most of the time my writing was for therapeutic purposes. It helped me to work through my thoughts and feelings and to put them out there. Not necessarily to be shared, but for me to look back upon. Looking into myself actually made me feel more insecure than it did confident because I realized there were so many insecurities I had that I had been hiding.
It’s hard to admit my flaws. It’s tough to grasp the concept that these are things I’m going to be dealing with for the rest of my life. I have to admit, I hate feeling vulnerable. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel unprotected. What I’ve realized over the past year is that this vulnerability is ME. It’s who I really am. It’s not the side of myself I portray to others, it’s not even a side of myself that I was aware of…it’s completely different. I know now that my vulnerability should be shared and I should be aware of it, because otherwise I’m not being me.
The past year has made me realize feelings that I will need to cope with on a daily basis. I believe it’s about learning how to incorporate the things you struggle with into your daily life, but being conscious about how you express them. I’ve found writing to be an amazing outlet for this. Most of what I write stays within me, however it’s an opportunity to think through some feelings.
The goal for 2016? Admit when I make mistakes and learn from them.